I’ve been struggling with the whole concept of school for a little bit now. I used to bs my way through it so I could pass, but now its gotten to a point where I genuinely don’t know how I’m passing sometimes because I put almost no effort in to anything and never do my homework. Like I said, my lack of motivation to do anything school related has been bad for a while, but after I went to Michigan back in December and shot Villain of the Story and Vesta Collide it got reaaaaallly bad. I stayed up until 2 am in a different state editing pictures of my friends playing music. I always knew one of my long term goals would be to tour, but I didn’t think I’d want it this bad so young. That and the fact that I have had a few musicians talk to me about touring (w/ them) is not helping the situation at all.
Now don’t get me wrong, being 17 and receiving this much support and interest in my photography is absolutely amazing and I am beyond appreciative; HOWEVER, it sucks knowing that I have to finish high school before I can do a lot of the things I want to do with it. I’ve been over the high school experience for a while now. I really just want to be done because I know there’s more for me out there. That and the fact that a majority of the goals I want to accomplish can only be done after I graduate. Obviously I can grind right now, get my name out there, and be crazy ready when the time comes, but patience is not exactly one of my traits.
of course this is where things get interesting……
At church this past weekend, the pastor that came and spoke was about 23. He kept reiterating the fact that we are put where we are for a reason. God knew us before we were even conceived, and he put us with the families we’re with, in the time period we’re in, in the area we’re in for a reason. The month of March at the church was Missions Month, so he was talking about and connecting that to the fact that we know the people we know and we’re where we are in life for a reason. He specifically said something along the lines of your mission field is right here and you’re at your high school for a reason. You know that episode of SpongeBob where his brain literally sets on fire? That was me in that moment. Then, thank goodness, I was able to think rationally: “What if I spent the last year and a quarter left at school trying to make a difference?” Now that thought lasted about 3.8 second. I’m gonna be honest, after leaving the service that day, I haven’t really thought about this until now. Now instead of having a brain that’s on fire, my brain is just screaming! In other words… I’m really confused.
I’ve been told God puts ideas and goals on our hearts, and the whole touring thing has been on mine for a while. I’m hoping I’ll find my mission and complete this last little bit of school so I can get to doing whatever I’m gonna do with my life. As of right now that’s photography; I have a good idea it will be by the end of next year too, but no one can tell the future… Whatever it is, God has a plan and I’m excited to see what I can do so it unfolds.